Effective communication during the mentor/mentee relationship cycle is critical.

Below are the stages of a typical mentoring relationship, with communication tips for building trust and overcoming difficulties at each stage.²⁸

Effective communication during the mentor/mentee relationship cycle

Learn more: Mentoring communication strategies

Mentoring communication strategies

Stage 1: Beginning of the match

Characteristics

Getting to know each other:

• The first impressions
• Trying to see the positive in the relationship
• Bonding.

Effective communication

• Ask open-ended questions
• Use body language that is open and not guarded
• Active listening
• Demonstrate empathy
• Avoid ‘prescriptive’ communication (telling someone what to do)
• Use prompts
• Speak with language that you feel comfortable with
• Don’t be afraid of silence.

Stage 2: Challenging and testing

Characteristics

Mentee challenges:

• Testing phase
• Rethinking first impressions
• Difficult feelings or emotions may surface.

Effective communication

• Be consistent in your communication, even if it is difficult
• Demonstrate respect
• Build problem-solving techniques into your open-ended questions
• Raise sensitive issues at the beginning of your interactions
• Make sure to separate behaviours from who the mentee is
• Disclosure of personal feelings and experiences when appropriate.

Stage 3: ‘Real’ mentoring

Characteristics

The relationship begins feeling right again:

• Trust is established
• Growth in the mentee can be observed
• A deeper bond and connection has been formed.

Effective communication

• Continue with disclosures when appropriate
• Avoid advising, and allow young people to actively problem solve
• Build off your knowledge of your mentee’s strengths to foster deeper discussions
• Give positive feedback and don’t be afraid to let your mentee know when something has hurt you.

Stage 4: Ending

Characteristics

Preparing for closure:

• Relationship may become deeper or mentee may start pulling away
• Reflection.

Effective communication

• Find common language to sum up your feelings
• Provide feedback that describes growth that you observed
• Be prepared to listen and affirm fears that your mentee may have.